Monday, July 30, 2007

Okay, fine



For some unknown reason, late one night, Jason and I got in a heated debate about whether or not Fredrick Douglas invented peanut butter. I contended that I had learned this in elementary school, and thus, that it had to be true (Fredrick Douglas is the gentleman with the white hair).


Unfortunately, once I looked it up on Wikipedia, I realized I was thinking of George Washington Carver (the top gentlemen). Being a person who is able to admit my mistakes, I then began to expound about G.W.C. who invented peanut butter....and then I ruined the whole thing by looking it up on Wikipedia...And of course I'm wrong.




I swear, these are the kind of retarded arguments we have on a regular basis.

I knew it!

Still working on my "tequila makes you smarter" theory...

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I never did like Triscuits


I got all excited and thought I was going to be able to add to my "celebrities-with-glass-eyes" blog...but, alas, it was not to be.
Yeah, I really have nothing better to do.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

There is something wrong with me




If there's something wrong with you, too, you might be interested in this site. Find the graves of the famous and...I don't know, dance around like a wild injun? If I ever make it to Texas again, I will be visiting Bill...and here's why.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Ranto rama



Is it just me (I have the sneaking suspicion that it is) or does the new movie version of "Hairspray" seem really unnecessary? I'm sure the musical was just fine and dandy blah blah blah, but really....do we really need to see John Travolta dressed as Edna Turnblatt? From the brief clips I've seen (the clips may have been longer, but I couldn't force myself to watch them), it seems as if the musical has completely toned down the trashy parts of the original movie...not that the original was as trashy as some of Mr.Waters' other work, but it at least had a little element of sleaze to it that was so...endearing. At least to me, but I have this feeling that I am not exactly representing the American people on this one. Anyway....does John Travolta play the station owner in this movie as well as Edna? I guess it all boils down to the fact that without Divine, this movie seems like a waste. Of course, I could be wrong, but I think this is one of those rare occasions when I'm not. I just hope John Waters has made a shit ton of money out of the musical and the movie and will be turning out a quality movie sometime in the future.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

These folks rock





Crazy4Cult

I am yet again stealing a link from Kevin Smith...but these are just too damn cool to not be seen (I'm going to make a wild guess that more people look at Kevin Smith's myspace page than my blog....I know, it's a stretch, but...yeah).


We had ourselves a kick ass weekend...Went to Indy and hooked up with Johnny and Stef (who we haven't seen since my baby shower) and invaded Dave's house. We are either A.)old fogies or B.)broke, because all we did was drink and sit out on Dave's porch. And laugh. A lot. I forgot what it's like to hang out with people who you can't embarrass, disgust, and are totally comfortable with. I seriously think we might just be the five funniest people on the planet.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Continuing the Jeff Bridges love....

From Lebowskifest



I love this man


I wish I could have found a better picture, but, alas, I am lazy. Anyhoo, check out Mr.Bridges official website...it includes his own photography, some awesome links, and is quite nifty looking.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

I am bored

So I thought I'd post this photo of Tom Waits from "The Outsiders". I'm not ashamed to admit it (well, not all that ashamed) but I rushed out when the new special edition of this movie came out on DVD and bought it. Ah, Ponyboy...although I'd have to say, for my money, Matt Dillion is the main attraction. Ah, Dallas Winston...unfortunately for me, after viewing this movie approximately 90 million times while growing up, I fear I may have developed a horrible "bad boy" fixation, which lead me to date some really..well, good looking bad boys who treated me like dirt. I blame you, Dallas Winston! Anyway...isn't it bizarre that Tom Waits was in this movie? His character's name was Buck, and if I wasn't too lazy, I'd get up and find the book and tell you the last name as well, but...what with being on my third beer (another drunken blog, yay!) and all...Yeah.

I'm beginning to think this whole blogging thing may not be for me...I think I'm essentially a boring person who really has nothing interesting to say, other than waxing rhapsodic about "The Outsiders" and other retarded shit. I'm sure there's a vast internet movement toward lame Midwestern moms who bitch about their lives and give cute little anecdotes about pop culture...and then go on and on about how they don't think they should be blogging in the first place...AGH!

Oh well. I thought this was funny.... I'll shut up now.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Monday, July 9, 2007

Monday, July 2, 2007

Wow, this was a complete waste of time

Random
Do you have any pets?why does every survey want to know this? yes.
What color shirt are you wearing?black...but my soul's a nice shiny white
Name three things that are physically close to you:a dictionary, a chair...a computer (what, am i supposed to say something zany like a yeti?)
What is the last book you read?"The Shipping News"...it was..eh.
Are you or were you a good student?define good...good as in i graduated, good as in a showed up every now and then..
What's your favorite sport?water polo
Do you enjoy sleeping late?i would
What's the weather like right now?very nice
Who tells the best jokes?comedians
What was the last thing you dreamed about?i don't know, but i was gritting my teeth like a son of a bitch
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?yes. no, but there's been some bastard people who have hit me
Do you believe in karma?no, just chameleons
Do you believe in luck?sure, why not
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?scrambled all the way
Do you collect anything? If so, what?stereo manuals...
Are you proud of yourself?am i ever
Are you reliable?am i ever
Have you ever given money to a bum?does my boyfriend count? HAHAHAHAHAHAHa
What's your favorite food?the kind that is yummy
Have you ever had a secret admirer?how the hell would i know?
Do you like the smell of gasoline?um...no
Do like to draw?and quarter too!
What's your favorite invention?time
Is your room messy?if i had one, yes indeedy do
What do you like better: oranges or apples?squares
Do you give in easily?what are you asking me to do? okay!
Are you a good guesser?i am the best guesser ever, hands down, bar none.
Can you read other people's expressions?no, just the bottom of their feet
Are you a bully?only if you don't like squares
Do you have a job?motherhood is a full time job...biotches!
What time did you wake up this morning?7:30 a.m.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?some Healthy Choice thingie with chicken
When was the last time you showered?a week ago..that's right, i'm not ashamed!
What do you plan on doing tomorrow?taking my kid to the doctor, finding the meaning of life, inventing time
What's your favorite day of the week and why?Tuesday...because they just fucking rock!
Do you have any nicknames?KD....
Have you ever been scuba diving?not to my knowledge
What's your least favorite color?blue
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?no. Norman Mailer
Would you ever go skydiving?no.
What toothpaste do you use?Crest
Do you enjoy challenges?only if they're easy
What's the worst injury you have had?a slightly torn vagina
What's the last movie you saw?Pan's Labyrinth
What do you want to know about the future?it's Tuesday
What does your last text message say?i don't
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?my mommy
What's your favorite school subject?being annoying and you
What's your least favorite school subject?all of them
Would you rather have money or love?i'd rather have move or loney
What is your dream vacation?on the planet neptune with che guevara! yeah!
What is your favorite animal?the muppet
Do you miss anyone right now?it's hard to miss people when you're as self centered as i am
What's the last sporting event you watched?i have no idea
Do you need to do laundry?i am, damnit, get off my back!
Do you listen to the radio?satellite radio
Where were you when 9/11 happened?at my mom's
What do you do when vending machines steal your money?sob and fall to the floor in convulsions
Have you ever caught a butterfly?colds, yes...not so much on the butterfly tip
What color are your bed sheets?white....hey, just like my soul!
What's your ringtone?i don't have one
Who was the last person to make you laugh?my sweet baboo
Do you have any obsessions right now?laundry, yetis, butterflys....it's a pretty long list
Do you like things that glow in the dark?um....i really hadn't given it much thought...yes?
What's your favorite fruity scent?rum
Do you watch cartoons?yep
Have you ever sat on a roof?hell, probably
Have you ever been to a different country?no, i am lame
Name three things in the world you dislike:the Taj Mahal, the Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben
Name three people in the world you dislike:you, your mom, and....Fergie. man, i really dislike her.
Has a rumor even been spread about you?every fucking day
Do you like sushi?never tried it
Do you believe in magic?in a young girl's heart? how the music can free her whenever it starts? No.
Do you hold grudges?sure
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com

Sunday, July 1, 2007

River's way into "The Muppets Take Manhattan", so....

While looking for mp3s for my stupid mp3 player on my stupid myspace page, I typed in the Ramones, who I of course love (and saw on the day Clinton got elected, just to give you an idea of what an old fart I am). Anyhoo...it is astonishing to me how many people think the song "Blitzkreig Bop" is called "Hey Ho Let's Go". Equally puzzling is the many (over 50, and I'm not exaggerating) people who'd uploaded the song "What I Like About You" and credited it to the Ramones. Maybe they covered it or something, but the five or six times I clicked on the links, it most certainly was not the Ramones...I think it's the Romantics or something. So....yeah, I let random crap annoy me.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

See? Some Asian guy...and Tori?!

Well, it's kind of nice to hear you resemble Tori Amos, Ava Gardner, and Eva Peron...I don't know what to think about Alice Cooper though.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Warning: not for the easily offended


I stumbled upon Joel-Peter Witkin's photographs while messing around before bed, and, although I 'm well aware they won't be every one's cup of tea, I think they're amazing.


I was originally looking at Diane Arbus' photos, which are wonderful as well...this link also has collections by Mapplethorpe, Avedon and others..so...yeah. Like 'em, hate 'em, whatever.

Botulism?


Saturday, June 23, 2007

There's really no point in you entering this contest...

But, if you're a glutton for punishment, you can enter here...hurry, the deadline's the first of July! Just don't come crying to me when you lose....loser!


p.s. you're a loser because I'm going to win the contest....guess I didn't make that very clear, huh?


P.P.S. IMPORTANT UPDATE: I lied...it ends the 7th. Too bad the extra time will only make my victory that much sweeter (I don't know what the hell I mean either).

It always seems like such a good idea at the time





This slightly dazed and insane look is the result of being alone and drinking. All I had was a six pack of beer, but that's all it took for me to write the woe-is-me blog under this one...the one in which I hate my life, etc. You can read, so, yeah, there it is...slightly embarrassing now, considering that when Jason got home like an hour later, I was mad for about five minutes and then pretty much just gabbed away about absolutely nothing in the happiest manner imaginable.

Am I bi-polar? No, just bored, frustrated, and lacking in anything better to then post retarded blogs about how life sucks when you're drunk and at home alone. So...in summation, I'll say this: I'm fine, everything else is fine, there are annoyances in my life but they're not that big a deal, and I promise to try to keep the drunken blogging to a minimum.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Back home again in Indiana

Why is it that I have the feeling that I am the only person I know at home on a Friday night? Why do I feel such a huge amount of resentment towards Jason for going out tonight, for acting like his home life is such a fucking chore, as if having his son wanting him to pay attention to him was the fucking height of annoyance......is that even a question anymore? I am at home, everyday, taking care of my son, who I love crazily. I love making him laugh, I love playing with him, I love it when he discovers new things he's never seen before...but what I don't love is feeling like I am a single parent with a boyfriend. I hate calling up the "being a housewife is just as hard a job as any other" card, but damnit, when he's spent an hour at home and says he can't take it and has to leave, I just want to kick him square in the nuts. And when I'm having a bad day and he calls and says, "Oh, hey, I'm going out with such and such and I already told them it was okay....are you cool with that?"................urgh. I am also faced with the fact that I'm pretty damn positive that I don't have any friends that are actually available. By that I mean people I could call right now and just start bitching righteously to, someone who would listen to all my shit, take my side, and make me feel better. Everyone I know who I consider a friend either lives in another state, is too far away, or is too wrapped up in their own lives. I have acquaintances. I have people who, if you asked them, would say they're my friends, but, really, what the fuck do they know about me? Half of that is my own fault...letting people in has always been a problem. I am so tired of trying to be super mommy, super girlfriend, super whatever-the-fuck-I'm supposed to be..I don't really have that much of a problem posting all this, as I'm pretty sure there are only two people who read this on a semi-regular basis (Hi Puglet! Hi mondo!)...and I don't think Jason ever reads it..so for the few who check, don't worry, I'll get back to my usual inane pap in my next post, I'm sure.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

"And I don't wanna live this life"


I got every question right except for the second one. Man, did I read the crap out of this book...


Oh, and I got eight right on this quiz....don't know whether to be proud of that or not.

Isn't this the cutest little picture?


Monday, June 18, 2007

I need to go to bed


Unfortunately, my family's not all that subversive, so I really can't think of any relative who's FBI file would either be interesting or even exisit. But maybe you're luckier than I am.
Thanks to Kevin Smith for sending me the bulletin which led me to his blog which led me to this picture which is an add for some cult movie dealy he's hosting in LA which I can't go to because I am 1.)lame and 2.)not in LA. I am also possibly lame for having Kevin Smith as a myspace friend, but damnit, he writes funny blogs and I like his movies (didn't see "Jersey Girl"...no, I'm not that lame).







Friday, June 15, 2007

Nana

KD is not having a good day. Jason's grandmother, the nicest nana you could ever meet, died this morning after a very short battle with cancer. I think it says a lot about her that even people who weren't related to her called her "Nana", and it's depressing as hell to think she's not going to be around to see River grow up. I have a lot of other shit I could bitch about, but it all seems kind of lame and unimportant. Out of all of Jason's family, she made me feel the most welcome and I honestly believe that she loved and cared about me...and her whole life revolved around Jason and River, so I've gotta love her for that.

I don't really know what else to say....I know there's plenty of anecdotes I could relate of her being funny or silly or overbearing or slightly insane, but I don't think any of them quite paint the picture of the wonderful person she was. Jason says River's got one awesome guardian angel now, so I guess that pretty much says it.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Come on, bring it!


The link, not the picture...


Is this really Jim? It looks like him, and he would have been in Florida at the time...the first time he "speaks", it's obviously dubbed, but the second time....Hmmm. And I think I saw him briefly expose himself..but that could have been mass hysteria (can you have mass hysteria by yourself?). Either way, those bastards should let him into college.

Monday, June 11, 2007

#18: Damnit, I'm always the last to know


This is Rolling Stones' top 25 greatest rock rumors of all time. I guess they really don't say that any of them aren't true, so who knows, maybe Debbie Harry was abducted by Ted Bundy.






1. Paul McCartney is or has ever been dead.



2. Stevie Nicks’ assistant had to blow coke up Stevie’s ass due to Nicks’ destroyed nasal passages.



3. Mama Cass died after choking on a ham sandwich.



4. Angie Bowie caught her husband in bed with Mick Jagger.



5. Mark David Chapman was an assassin programmed by the CIA.



6. Members of Led Zeppelin pleased a teenage groupie using a red snapper/shark as their sex toy of choice.



7. Jim Morrison was killed by members of the Nixon administration/faked his own death/died from a heart attack brought on by masturbating in a Parisian bathtub.



8. Deborah Harry was once abducted by serial killer Ted Bundy.



9. Keith Moon drove a car into a Holiday Inn pool on his 21st birthday, knocked out a couple of teeth and got the Who banned for life from all Holiday Inns.



10. Gene Simmons had a cow tongue grafted onto his own tongue after a car accident.



11. Rod Stewart/Lil’ Kim/Jordan Knight had to get their respective stomachs pumped after ingesting a gallon of semen.



12. During a drug bust on Mick’s place Marianne Faithfull was once found with a Mars bar between her legs.



13. Marilyn Manson had his lowest set of ribs removed so he could blow himself.



14. Alice Cooper and Frank Zappa attempted to gross each other out by shitting onstage, then eating it.



15. Bob Marley was assassinated/given cancer in his toe by the CIA.



16. Phil Collins’ tune “In the Air Tonight” was written after Collins witnessed a gruesome incident in which one man let another man drown.



17. Keith Richards routinely has in the past/continues today to get full-body blood transfusions.



18. Jack and Meg White are brother and sister.



19. “Hotel California” is about a Christian church that was abandoned then taken over by Satan worshipers, the Eagles are Satan worshipers and Satan him (or her) self appears in the window on the album jacket.



20. Bob Ezrin, who produced Lou Reed’s Berlin, got the anguished children’s cries you hear on “The Kids” by telling his own children their mother was dead and recording the sounds they made.



21. Pearl Jam was named after a peyote-infused jam Eddie Vedder’s grandmother used to make.



22. Charles Manson auditioned for the Monkees.



23. Marilyn Manson played Kevin Arnold’s friend Paul Pfeiffer on the Wonder Years.



24. Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his guitar-playing gifts.



25. Roy Orbison was an albino and wore dark glasses because he was blind.

It always was fun to use dirty words while playing Mad Libs


The Person Who Did Stuff To Me
As I was meandering crazily down the skating rink one fine summer's eon, the most obnoxious, ballsy c thomas howell fatly fucked me, stopping me in my tracks. "Look here," I said, oozing my elbow at him jauntily, "That was terribly gross of you. I demand an apology."
The c thomas howell banged at me poopily and fucked me again, this time with both knuckles.
"Excuse me!" I said, this time more expertly. "Desist at once, or I shall be forced to screw you. You're a very gay c thomas howell, I must say."
"I can't stop," the c thomas howell said accidentally. "You see, my mother was a fluffer, my father was chunky, and the trauma was just too much. I'm sticky as a manatee, I'm obscene to say."
At hearing his slimy story, I felt for him. But I balled the dark douchebag anyway and moved on

Create your own conspiracy theory!



It's kind of like playing Mad Libs. Here's mine, complete with horrible grammatical errors (I kind of think they add to it).

"What They Don't Want You to Know

In order to understand evolution you need to realize that everything is controlled by a clog dancers made up of Icelandic people with help from Girl Scouts.The conspiracy first started during the war of 1812 in Daleville. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including Cat stevens' changing his name.
Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by opening a new container when there's still some in the old container.
They want to rolling a drunk Ann Coulter and imprison resisters in Hell using rik shaws.
In order to prepare for this, we all must pooping. Since the media is controlled by Manfred Mann we should get our information from George Bush."

Ha ha, I am so funny. This is pretty much a Mad lib generator (even though they're not "mad"...they're "CRAZY"!!). It's kind of fun, even if you're like me and can't remember what a transitive verb is. Here's an example of me being oh so clever.

"Love Letter

Dear Sweetheart,
I lay awake all renaissance thinking of you, your funky smile, and our tryst in the valley. Lustfully, I recall our meeting, how my heart plummeted with arrogance when I first saw you. How fruity you looked in that red suspenders and those two tangy bonnets on your nostrils!
I cherished every moment we were together and was stanky when our date came to a close. I can't say how zestfully I regret spilling pee on your taint; you were nausea about it, however, for which I am grateful. You are so beautiful when you're nausea.
You're jewy most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of radiator fluid, warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as women. Your lips are like succulent snails. Your hair is puce like a koala on a summer's day. Your butts are two enormous octagons of pain.
I can't wait to hiss with you again. Write soon.
Arrogantly,
Your Friend"

"Your butts are two enormous octagons of pain"..hee hee!

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Photographic proof that I went somewhere!















































































Note: I am wearing an Izod shirt Jason's brother left in our car because I spilled my drink all over my own shirt. Ten seconds after putting it on, I preceded to spill a drink on that shirt as well.
All in all, quite a nice evening. I was good and didn't drink any beer (rum and Coke Zero..I was going to type "yum", but right now "yum" is just about the last comment I'd put on that combo). Saw some folks I hadn't seen in a while, talked a lot of shit (I tend to do that when I'm drunk..actually, pretty much when I'm sober, too), smoked way too many cigarettes..the usual. After a night like this, I'm always left with the sneaking suspicion that something or other I said during the evening probably pissed someone off, and of course this evening was no exception. But since I don't get out as much as I used to, the feeling of making a total ass out of myself comes upon me a lot less, thus I find I don't really care as much about it as I used to (wow, what a long explanation for something no one but me cares about). River stayed at my mom's all night and was shockingly good...and she didn't bring him back til 11:00! And he wanted to take a nap pretty much as soon as he got here! Also I managed to not twist my ankle, fall down, or completely black out parts of the evening (always a good sign).
So...yeah. That'll probably have to last me for the next three or four months.
Note number two: I can't figure out why there's such a ginormous space at the end of this post, and frankly, I don't really feel like trying to fix it.




































































































Friday, June 8, 2007

You'd wonder the same thing at 6 in the morning


While watching "The Great Muppet Caper" this morning (which, in case you were wondering, is vastly superior to "The Muppets Take Manhattan" but not quite as good as "The Muppet Movie"), I found myself wondering how Peter Falk lost his eye. This led me logically to Sammy Davis Jr., which was then followed by pondering the idea of other celebrities with prosthetic eyes...I couldn't think of any, but did find an article on this guy. Then I thought I should probably get off the computer and watch my kid, who, while I'd been neglecting him, managed to get my library book off the couch and was busy losing my place in "Northanger Abbey", which is why this post has a picture of Jane Austen.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

I've never seen the original

But, come on, Crispin Glover and the Suicide Girls? Sounds like box office gold to me!

Monday, June 4, 2007

Sorry for all the Muppet/Sesame Street stuff

But this song is catchy as hell.

Celebrities and Muppets Vol. 2

And wow, could she look more out of it?


Yeah, this is awesome


My favorite TV theme song of all time

And the show takes place in Indianapolis, too!

In completely unrelated news, I get to go to a party this weekend! Hells yeah! It has been soooo long since I've done anything even remotely exciting...unless you count the various family get-togethers I've endured these past few weeks (if any of my family reads this: "Hi! Love ya! Can't wait to see you again!") Blake's moving to Texas and throwing himself a going-away shindig, so I'm sure to see tons of people I haven't seen in well over a year, probably drink too much, ruin my diet, and feel really guilty about it the next day. Again, hells yeah!

In more unrelated news, here are two of my favorite titles I have been called: "baby momma" and "special lady friend".

Friday, June 1, 2007

Is this for real?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

And really, it's disturbing either way. So much of it is disturbing, it's hard to pick out just one thing that stands out...so we'll start with the fact the site is sponsored by these guys.