Back home again in Indiana

Why is it that I have the feeling that I am the only person I know at home on a Friday night? Why do I feel such a huge amount of resentment towards Jason for going out tonight, for acting like his home life is such a fucking chore, as if having his son wanting him to pay attention to him was the fucking height of annoyance......is that even a question anymore? I am at home, everyday, taking care of my son, who I love crazily. I love making him laugh, I love playing with him, I love it when he discovers new things he's never seen before...but what I don't love is feeling like I am a single parent with a boyfriend. I hate calling up the "being a housewife is just as hard a job as any other" card, but damnit, when he's spent an hour at home and says he can't take it and has to leave, I just want to kick him square in the nuts. And when I'm having a bad day and he calls and says, "Oh, hey, I'm going out with such and such and I already told them it was okay....are you cool with that?"................urgh. I am also faced with the fact that I'm pretty damn positive that I don't have any friends that are actually available. By that I mean people I could call right now and just start bitching righteously to, someone who would listen to all my shit, take my side, and make me feel better. Everyone I know who I consider a friend either lives in another state, is too far away, or is too wrapped up in their own lives. I have acquaintances. I have people who, if you asked them, would say they're my friends, but, really, what the fuck do they know about me? Half of that is my own fault...letting people in has always been a problem. I am so tired of trying to be super mommy, super girlfriend, super whatever-the-fuck-I'm supposed to be..I don't really have that much of a problem posting all this, as I'm pretty sure there are only two people who read this on a semi-regular basis (Hi Puglet! Hi mondo!)...and I don't think Jason ever reads it..so for the few who check, don't worry, I'll get back to my usual inane pap in my next post, I'm sure.